Easier to find than Waldo, I suspect--tuches firmly planted on new couch or at one of what seems numberless branches of the hospital's cancer center.
The holiday season was pleasant, quiet with several visits from out-of-town friends. We missed the ice storm that paralyzed so much of Kansas, but it's been gray and often rainy, so somewhat depressing as winter worms its way slowly through. We gave ourselves a nice present for the new year. We both spend a lot of time on the couch facing the TV. We eat there, read there, write blogs there--and that's when I'm alert. We had a sofa with a chaise longue on Mohamed's end, and it was nice looking and fairly comfortable, but it was too low to the ground to get out of easily, so we decided to replace it. I could manage one furniture store a day, which turned out to be exactly one week's worth of venturing out. Eventually we settled on one that represented everything I'd always been snobbishly condescending to: it's a reclining loveseat, and a power recliner at that. It's got cup holders. We stopped just short of the precipice and didn't get the most comfortable one that had noticeable stitching. It is dark blue leather, and much to my surprise, it's not only comfortable (that's not the surprising part), but rather handsome. It makes staying awake even more difficult.
Healthwise, while Dr, Hashmi may be focused on the big picture, more small problems at different levels arose, so we were back to visiting specialist after specialist, all of whom seemed to lack a gestalt, each of whom had a vested interest in his'her specialty. The ear ache had continued unabated, so we went off to the hospital's ENT to see a new doctor. The doctors for all of the last six years, have never had a problem with our relationship and have always treated us as a married couple, even before we were legally married. They may have been curious, but they were also discreet. Dr. Barnes was more direct: "Just what is the nature of your relationship?" I said that Mohamed was my husband, and he seemed confirmed in his assumption, but added that he had been uncertain because of the "large disparity" in our ages. He gave me an antibiotic, but I had tried that before with no success. The problem, he said, wss that the ear wasn't draining, so the fluid would build up again. His solution was to insert a drain in my ear ("the Bold Look of Kohler"); he drilled a small hole in the ear drum, put in the teeny drain, and watched the fluid run out. It was only a little painful. The drain should fall out on its own after a year or so, and then things should be fine. In the meantime, the ear feels much better.
The next problem is that I've been having a lot of trouble swallowing. I've been losing weight, and though it's not been too hard to find soft foods, they're still not completely satisfying. I can just chew and chew, it seems,, and the bolus, instead of diminishing, just increases. Chewing is difficult, and I have hard time initiating swallowing. So off to another division of the ENT, where I had x-rays of me eating. The tech would give me food laced with barium, and we would watch me chew on the x-ray machine. I mean, we'd watch on the machine; I wasn't actually chewing on the machine. It was very very strange. The suggestions seemed common sense (eat ground meat, drink a lot while eating) but there was no hint of a cause.
Finally, in a temporary answer to which muscle will hurt next, it's one in my neck. I've been wearing a neck brace for the last several days, and we went to a physical therapist who has scheduled some meetings and a few mild exercises. What he doesn't want to do, he says,--and who am I to disagree?--is to fire up too much muscle activity in the areas where the tumors reside.
I think that's a pretty comprehensive look and what's going on. The constant fatigue is like the basso continuo in the background--always there, droning on. I've used up my energy writing this, and I'm sure it's full of typos. I'll fix it tomorrow, so you can suffer through today and give yourself a break and wait for a more polished version.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Mohamed Gets His Green Card
What? Is rhis a holiday repeat? Didn't Mohamed get his green card a year ago? Two years ago? Nope. Not a permanent one. I thought I had explained all of this in blogs when the events--applications, acceptances--occurred, but lots of readers seemed confused, and I decided to wait till all was official to try to clarify matters. I also discovered that despite all of the talk of immigration during the election, few people really understood many of the twists of the immigration/visa process.
If you want to come to the U.S., but do not plan to stay here, you'd apply for a non-immigrant visa. The most common ones are tourist visas, student visas, and business visas. As in all of what passes as the immigration process, the possibilities are often bizarre. If we believe Melania Trump's story and time line, she got a visa that enabled her to model in the U.S. because there weren't enough native models.
If you want eventually to immigrate to the U.S., the path leads through a green card or permanent residence. Again, there are several paths that enable you to apply for the green card, the one in question here, the one that we used, is family member (in this case, husband) of an American citizen. There are others, one of the oddest to me is the green card lottery. Every year, an immigration committee decides what nationalities are underrepresented in America. I perhaps oversimplify a bit, but they say, for example, "Hmmmm. There are plenty of Bulgarians in the U.S., so they don't need to be eligible for the lottery next year. But there aren't many Romanians proportionally, so we'll put them on the list." For the next year, then, people in Romania who want to come to America can apply to the lottery. As its name suggests, the lottery is totally arbitrary. There is no question of merit or of having relatives here or any other rationale. Many immigration attorneys are scam artists, and nowhere is this more true that with lottery attorneys. There is nothing an attorney can do to aid an applicant, but no matter how many times and in what large type the USCIS tries to assure people that all this is arbitrary, no one believes it, and corrupt lawyers make a fortune being paid for doing nothing. I taught in three relatively poor countries, and no student believed me when I said that s/he was throwing money away by paying a lawyer.
Mohamed came here on a student visa. Pre 9/11, it was fairly easy to convert a tourist visa to a student visa or a student visa to one with green card possibilities. It is much harder now, but marriage to an American is one way that remains (or being sponsored by other family members). In July, 2013, Mohamed and I got married, and shortly thereafter we began the green card application. This involves convincing immigration that the marriage is a real one, not a marriage of convenience. We had to provide health forms, many, many financial forms, notarized letters of support. This is the vetting--"extreme" or not--that exists today. The application form itself is a bizarre concatenation of questions from the 50s ("Are you now or have you ever been a member of communist party?" or questions that would baffle even the sharpest of applicants ("Do you have special experience with explosives?"). There is an interview. Gay friends who began the process at about the same time we did, had their interview first. They said it was low-key, definitely not the way I'd characterize our interview with someone who seemed to have a giant chip on his shoulder. His last words, not telling us whether we had passed or not, were, "Remember: 50% of all marriages end in divorce."
Still, we were given the green card--except that it is a conditional, two-year document. After two years, we had to go through basically the same process to have the conditions removed. So last February, we compiled all the same documents and waited for the acceptance. After a few weeks, we received a form letter, saying the conditional card had been extended automatically for one year, while Immigration reviewed our petition. It all seemed quite perfunctory, since we have been together over seven years and are together almost 24/7. Our gay friends were on the same schedule, or so it seemed, and in summer they received the lifting of conditions and permanent green card. We got nada.
Finally in October, we received a letter saying they needed more evidence. There was a list of what we might provide, but it was what he had provided originally and then again in this application. We filled out more forms and photocopied more documents. And then nothing. We were particularly worried about what would happen if the extra year expired. We could in theory follow our case online. For the original application, USCIS was very good at keeping the site and info updated. This time nothing changed. We called three times. There were 240 minute waits to talk to a human (they call you back). All three people that we talked to were non-native speakers, so it wasn't always clear what they were saying. But it became obvious that though they were very friendly and willing to talk about procedural matters, they wouldn't talk about anything substantive.
The year of grace is nearly up. What if the sheriff of a nearby county thought Mohamed was speeding? We're not exactly living in pro-Muslim atmosphere. And then suddenly, about a week ago, the online status was updated. And a couple of days later, it was updated again to say that on January 3rd, the new card had been issued. And then today, the new card arrived. A sigh of relief was heard throughout northeast Kansas. The green card is finally permanent. If Mohamed wants to become a citizen, he can start that procedure. But if not, he can live here as long as wants with most, but not all (he can't vote, for example) of the rights of any other resident. That may suffice.
If you want to come to the U.S., but do not plan to stay here, you'd apply for a non-immigrant visa. The most common ones are tourist visas, student visas, and business visas. As in all of what passes as the immigration process, the possibilities are often bizarre. If we believe Melania Trump's story and time line, she got a visa that enabled her to model in the U.S. because there weren't enough native models.
If you want eventually to immigrate to the U.S., the path leads through a green card or permanent residence. Again, there are several paths that enable you to apply for the green card, the one in question here, the one that we used, is family member (in this case, husband) of an American citizen. There are others, one of the oddest to me is the green card lottery. Every year, an immigration committee decides what nationalities are underrepresented in America. I perhaps oversimplify a bit, but they say, for example, "Hmmmm. There are plenty of Bulgarians in the U.S., so they don't need to be eligible for the lottery next year. But there aren't many Romanians proportionally, so we'll put them on the list." For the next year, then, people in Romania who want to come to America can apply to the lottery. As its name suggests, the lottery is totally arbitrary. There is no question of merit or of having relatives here or any other rationale. Many immigration attorneys are scam artists, and nowhere is this more true that with lottery attorneys. There is nothing an attorney can do to aid an applicant, but no matter how many times and in what large type the USCIS tries to assure people that all this is arbitrary, no one believes it, and corrupt lawyers make a fortune being paid for doing nothing. I taught in three relatively poor countries, and no student believed me when I said that s/he was throwing money away by paying a lawyer.
Mohamed came here on a student visa. Pre 9/11, it was fairly easy to convert a tourist visa to a student visa or a student visa to one with green card possibilities. It is much harder now, but marriage to an American is one way that remains (or being sponsored by other family members). In July, 2013, Mohamed and I got married, and shortly thereafter we began the green card application. This involves convincing immigration that the marriage is a real one, not a marriage of convenience. We had to provide health forms, many, many financial forms, notarized letters of support. This is the vetting--"extreme" or not--that exists today. The application form itself is a bizarre concatenation of questions from the 50s ("Are you now or have you ever been a member of communist party?" or questions that would baffle even the sharpest of applicants ("Do you have special experience with explosives?"). There is an interview. Gay friends who began the process at about the same time we did, had their interview first. They said it was low-key, definitely not the way I'd characterize our interview with someone who seemed to have a giant chip on his shoulder. His last words, not telling us whether we had passed or not, were, "Remember: 50% of all marriages end in divorce."
Still, we were given the green card--except that it is a conditional, two-year document. After two years, we had to go through basically the same process to have the conditions removed. So last February, we compiled all the same documents and waited for the acceptance. After a few weeks, we received a form letter, saying the conditional card had been extended automatically for one year, while Immigration reviewed our petition. It all seemed quite perfunctory, since we have been together over seven years and are together almost 24/7. Our gay friends were on the same schedule, or so it seemed, and in summer they received the lifting of conditions and permanent green card. We got nada.
Finally in October, we received a letter saying they needed more evidence. There was a list of what we might provide, but it was what he had provided originally and then again in this application. We filled out more forms and photocopied more documents. And then nothing. We were particularly worried about what would happen if the extra year expired. We could in theory follow our case online. For the original application, USCIS was very good at keeping the site and info updated. This time nothing changed. We called three times. There were 240 minute waits to talk to a human (they call you back). All three people that we talked to were non-native speakers, so it wasn't always clear what they were saying. But it became obvious that though they were very friendly and willing to talk about procedural matters, they wouldn't talk about anything substantive.
The year of grace is nearly up. What if the sheriff of a nearby county thought Mohamed was speeding? We're not exactly living in pro-Muslim atmosphere. And then suddenly, about a week ago, the online status was updated. And a couple of days later, it was updated again to say that on January 3rd, the new card had been issued. And then today, the new card arrived. A sigh of relief was heard throughout northeast Kansas. The green card is finally permanent. If Mohamed wants to become a citizen, he can start that procedure. But if not, he can live here as long as wants with most, but not all (he can't vote, for example) of the rights of any other resident. That may suffice.
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