A year ago today, Mohamed and I woke up in Des Moines. I had taken a break from the chemo so that maybe my stomach would cooperate during the previous day's trip and this day's events. We drove 40 miles north to Story City, my hometown, where I discovered my childhood home had been razed, visited my parents' graves, and had lunch with a friend from school days whom I hadn't seen in the 50 years since we had graduated from high school. Then we drove back to the hotel, where I crashed for a couple of hours before we met the four friends--two from Kansas, two from as far north in Minnesota as you can go without saying 'aboot'--who were coming to our marriage. It was a beautiful late afternoon, and although it was too late in the season for the roses to be in bloom at the rose garden where we got married, the setting was still tranquil and beautiful.
Who would have thought just a few years before that it would be possible for a same-sex couple to marry? And in Iowa yet--the heart of the Midwest. But today we celebrate our first anniversary, though in a state that doesn't recognize our union.
There was also another anniversary in July. On July 16, 2007, after months of Skyping, Mohamed and I met face-to-face for the first time. Thus began two years of a very long-distance relationship before May 2009 when Mohamed arrived in Topeka to stay. Seven years since we met, five years of living together, one year of being married--a lot of blissful celebrations in July.
Last week we had an uncharacteristic break in summer heat, so I gathered all my energy, and we finally leased a new car. I was good for about two hours at a time. We considered buying out the Venza lease, but when you negotiate a lease, you want the highest possible residual value (so the lowest lease payments), and that figure was too high to be practical. The Honda dealership didn't seem to be keen on negotiating a lease on a Crosstour, but the Nissan dealership was more agreeable and had a large stock of Rogues. All the walking and getting in and out of cars was exhausting, and the final process took nearly three hours, but we ended up with a "midnight jade" Rogue at a good price. When I drove it, it was the first time in two years that I had been behind the wheel.
My health has been pretty much the same, except for a series of new aches that mysteriously appear and then, so far, disappear. It's frustrating not to know which are just the consequences of old age and which may have something to do with the cancer. But after nearly four years of living with uncertainty, there's not much to do about it except to be thankful I'm still around to celebrate anniversaries.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
It was probably last year on this date that I wrote about my looking over my shoulder as I turned 68. My father and both my grandfathers died at that age, so it didn't seem a propitious anniversary. A number of readers responded with their own superstitious unlucky numbers. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at age 65, I thought, Well, so much for having to worry about being 68. But I just keep hanging in there, and today, as France and I celebrate our birthdays, I have a new reason for not having to worry about being 68: it's in the past.
The ramifications of the Hobby Lobby/Conestoga case continue to spread. Although Justice Alito wrote that it was a narrow ruling, by the next day, the Court had sent down orders broadening the implications to include all contraceptive devices. That was followed by the Wheaton decision excepting the Christian college from even filling our the paperwork for a religious exemption. Alito's decision couldn't have been based on precedence, supposedly beloved by conservatives, because precedence was not on the majority's side. Instead, Alito cited nearly 140 times the Religious Freedom Restoration Act passed with near unanimity by the Congress and signed into law by Pres. Clinton in 1993. Still, a law with a name as blatantly hypocritical as RFRA might have given liberals a second thought at what the consequences were going to be.
The five justices in the Hobby Lobby majority were all conservative and all male. They were also all Christian. Does anyone seriously think that if the petitioners were Muslim or Native American, the Court would have come to the same conclusion? And not only Christian, but all five are Catholic, for whom contraception seems to have become, after fifty years, a new cause celèbre.
The ripples don't end there, however. ENDA, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, designed to protect that LGBT community in the workplace is the next logical target of those with "sincere," if discriminatory, religious beliefs. ENDA passed the Senate, but in order to get the votes of enough conservative Republicans, it carved out exceptions for non-profit religious institutions, such as hospitals or universities, which would still be allowed to discriminate. The bill, like so many, is stalled in the House. But now that SCOTUS has blurred, if not eliminated, the distinction between for-profit and not-for-profit institutions, ENDA has potentially been eviscerated. Liberal groups like the ACLU and Lambda Legal Defense have withdrawn support, fearing the bill makes things worse by codifying the right of corporations to discriminate at will--as long as they're sincere and do so in the name of religion.
The ramifications of the Hobby Lobby/Conestoga case continue to spread. Although Justice Alito wrote that it was a narrow ruling, by the next day, the Court had sent down orders broadening the implications to include all contraceptive devices. That was followed by the Wheaton decision excepting the Christian college from even filling our the paperwork for a religious exemption. Alito's decision couldn't have been based on precedence, supposedly beloved by conservatives, because precedence was not on the majority's side. Instead, Alito cited nearly 140 times the Religious Freedom Restoration Act passed with near unanimity by the Congress and signed into law by Pres. Clinton in 1993. Still, a law with a name as blatantly hypocritical as RFRA might have given liberals a second thought at what the consequences were going to be.
The five justices in the Hobby Lobby majority were all conservative and all male. They were also all Christian. Does anyone seriously think that if the petitioners were Muslim or Native American, the Court would have come to the same conclusion? And not only Christian, but all five are Catholic, for whom contraception seems to have become, after fifty years, a new cause celèbre.
The ripples don't end there, however. ENDA, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, designed to protect that LGBT community in the workplace is the next logical target of those with "sincere," if discriminatory, religious beliefs. ENDA passed the Senate, but in order to get the votes of enough conservative Republicans, it carved out exceptions for non-profit religious institutions, such as hospitals or universities, which would still be allowed to discriminate. The bill, like so many, is stalled in the House. But now that SCOTUS has blurred, if not eliminated, the distinction between for-profit and not-for-profit institutions, ENDA has potentially been eviscerated. Liberal groups like the ACLU and Lambda Legal Defense have withdrawn support, fearing the bill makes things worse by codifying the right of corporations to discriminate at will--as long as they're sincere and do so in the name of religion.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Happy Fifth of July. I'm always happy when the Fourth is over, not that I'm under any illusions that the fireworks will stop. I'm not feeling particularly patriotic, especially as I watch flag-wavers stopping buses and yelling insults and obscenities at the children inside. Nor does the Hobby Lobby decision, yet another victory for conservative Christians and another defeat for women's rights, inspire me. Justice Alito's majority opinion was striking for what it ignored. While Justice Ginsburg's dissent spent the first several pages focusing on the consequences for women, Alito casually suggested that other ways of paying for contraception were available and moved on. Potential challenges about transfusions or vaccinations were just as blithely waved away by Alito and friends, despite Scalia's own warnings about ensuing confusion and law suits in Employment Division v. Smith if any religions could opt out of laws and regulations. In his opinion, J. Alito took pains to say that this decision was a narrow one, concerned only with the specific contraceptive devices Hobby Lobby and two other corporations objected to. Yet by the next day, SCOTUS had sent out orders to lower courts suggesting that they consider, for example, Catholic objections to all contraception in considering further cases.
The week of the Fourth is also difficult because Kimber, our 80# German shepherd, is scared to death of fireworks and cowers under our feet or hides in a windowless bathroom for most of the week. She refuses to go out after about 5 p.m. Luckily, she seems to have a bladder of steel. Last night we gave her a tranquilizer, making her look like Deputy Dawg or Droopy, but at least keeping her relatively calm. It's 8:33 a.m. as I write this, and already there are fireworks outside.
July 3rd was the worst day I've had since I got out of my abduction brace three years ago. Suddenly at mid-morning, I developed strong pains below the ribs, from front to back, on the left side of my body. They hurt. And they were also frightening, since they were only on the left side, which is where the primary kidney tumor is. Meanwhile, the normal household calm was disrupted by the arrival of two Merry Maids. While it's nice to have a monthly deep cleaning, it's also a little awkward to have two people bustling about. The lawn people came, and I had an argument with the owner of the service, and Kimber was, of course, under foot as the morning was marked by numerous booms. I took an extra Percocet and went to sleep. When I woke up, the pains were gone, only to return in a few minutes. Another Percocet, another nap, another temporary relief. I couldn't eat, but that didn't stop relentless diarrhea and some nausea, the latter of which is only an infrequent problem. And then, around 7 or 8 p.m., the pains stopped as suddenly as they had appeared. I was fine yesterday as well.
There was some good news concerning the blog during the last week. A colleague of one of my former colleagues sent a very nice e-mail. He had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer, my ex-colleague had suggested he take a look at this blog, and he had read his way through all 240+ entries, no mean feat, and found it useful. I re-connected with someone whom I'd known from K-12 in my small town class of 33, but whom I haven't seen in 51 years. He, too, was reading the blog all the way through, "crying, laughing, and taking notes." I'm hoping there won't be a quiz. He lives in Seattle and asked for my address so he could send me something. He overnighted a cold pack with two dozen oysters and two pounds of Alaskan salmon. I couldn't eat at all on the 3rd, but yesterday, I celebrated the Fourth by downing all but one of the oysters. Mohamed tried that one. As there is perhaps no food I love as much as oysters and as Kansas isn't exactly the seafood capital of America, I didn't even feel guilty about scarfing down every single one of the rest of them. That did make for a happy Fourth after all.
The week of the Fourth is also difficult because Kimber, our 80# German shepherd, is scared to death of fireworks and cowers under our feet or hides in a windowless bathroom for most of the week. She refuses to go out after about 5 p.m. Luckily, she seems to have a bladder of steel. Last night we gave her a tranquilizer, making her look like Deputy Dawg or Droopy, but at least keeping her relatively calm. It's 8:33 a.m. as I write this, and already there are fireworks outside.
July 3rd was the worst day I've had since I got out of my abduction brace three years ago. Suddenly at mid-morning, I developed strong pains below the ribs, from front to back, on the left side of my body. They hurt. And they were also frightening, since they were only on the left side, which is where the primary kidney tumor is. Meanwhile, the normal household calm was disrupted by the arrival of two Merry Maids. While it's nice to have a monthly deep cleaning, it's also a little awkward to have two people bustling about. The lawn people came, and I had an argument with the owner of the service, and Kimber was, of course, under foot as the morning was marked by numerous booms. I took an extra Percocet and went to sleep. When I woke up, the pains were gone, only to return in a few minutes. Another Percocet, another nap, another temporary relief. I couldn't eat, but that didn't stop relentless diarrhea and some nausea, the latter of which is only an infrequent problem. And then, around 7 or 8 p.m., the pains stopped as suddenly as they had appeared. I was fine yesterday as well.
There was some good news concerning the blog during the last week. A colleague of one of my former colleagues sent a very nice e-mail. He had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer, my ex-colleague had suggested he take a look at this blog, and he had read his way through all 240+ entries, no mean feat, and found it useful. I re-connected with someone whom I'd known from K-12 in my small town class of 33, but whom I haven't seen in 51 years. He, too, was reading the blog all the way through, "crying, laughing, and taking notes." I'm hoping there won't be a quiz. He lives in Seattle and asked for my address so he could send me something. He overnighted a cold pack with two dozen oysters and two pounds of Alaskan salmon. I couldn't eat at all on the 3rd, but yesterday, I celebrated the Fourth by downing all but one of the oysters. Mohamed tried that one. As there is perhaps no food I love as much as oysters and as Kansas isn't exactly the seafood capital of America, I didn't even feel guilty about scarfing down every single one of the rest of them. That did make for a happy Fourth after all.
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