My last post for 2012--#117 (it seems like only yesterday I did my 100th entry) with 10,224 pageviews after 11 months of blogging.  When I began the blog, I had no idea that I would still be here this December.  The initial blogs were more often about death and atheism and "nothing to be frightened of."  As the months have passed and occasional bouts of writer's block have set in, I've wandered often into politics, law, and literature, as well as trying to write about the daily ups and downs of living with cancer.

The cancer had clearly metastasized by October 2010.  That date seems improbable, given the initial prognosis of less than a year, as we prepare to enter 2013.  By April 2011, the cancer had finally been diagnosed; by May, I was under the knife--and out again with my new titanium and plastic "bones" and joints.  By June, I had begun the daily regimen of chemotherapy and was preparing for radiation of my left scapula and right hip.  I was counting down the days till I could get rid of the abduction brace, and physical and occupational therapists were coming to the house for exercises.  I had consulted my lawyer and rewritten my will.  By January of this year, I decided to start blogging, even though I knew it wasn't going to be an "uplifting" blog about how I'd learned to savor every day or experienced the usual epiphany about living every day as if it were my last.  (There's a very old Peanuts cartoon in which Lucy, trying to convince Charlie Brown that he should change his life, advises him to live every day as if it is his last.  Charlie Brown responds with the anguished cry, "ARRGH!  I'm going to die tomorrow!")

Life during 2012 (and indeed through 2011) has been "diminished" in many ways.  For two years, the farthest I've traveled from home is to Kansas City, and those trips have been to the Med or Cancer Center, though luckily sometimes combined with lunch with friends.  There are many consecutive days when the farthest I travel from home is . . . home.  Between fatigue and diarrhea, going out is too much of an ordeal.  My relationship with food and drink has changed entirely.  I rarely have much appetite, and when I do go out, I fortify myself with Imodium (and now Lomotil) and check for the nearest bathroom.  Almost nothing looks appealing, and Mohamed spends an inordinate amount of time searching for something I'll want to eat.  Sushi is the one exception, so here's a haiku in praise of sushi:

Salmon and tuna
On a denim-colored plate
Sweet eel for dessert

A good friend wrote yesterday after the visit of her elderly mother and a couple of young children that she had grown impatient with "their quirky eating habits, their sleeping needs, their body temps in winter, their infirmities and hypochondriacal tendencies, and on and on."  That sentence was good for a laugh, as it describes me perfectly (except, I hope, for the hypochondria).  The day anyone finds me without a hoodie (I'm always cold these days) means that I'm getting ready to go out.

Still, it's been a very good year in many ways--not the least of which is that I'm still typing away long after I had expected the blog to have fallen silent.  I keep occupied at home and don't get bored.  (Perhaps being an only child was good training.)  Mohamed continues his unwavering love and support with incredible grace.  I've re-established contact with many old friends--from high school, from undergraduate and graduate school days, from ex-Yugoslavia and Bulgaria and, of course, France.  And I've been entertained and enlivened by visits from friends from all over Europe and America.  I've read and read.  And at a broader level, the election brought much good news, and LGBT issues continued their winning ways, though it remains to be seen what will happen when SCOTUS makes its rulings in two cases in June. 

I've tried to stay faithful to my mantra--cancer, shmancer, abi gesund.  And for the most part, I've stayed pretty healthy.  The cumulative effects of cancer and its treatment have been wearing, but I'm still alive and kicking, not in any real pain, and interested in matters great and small. 

One minor resolution for 2013: to change the layout of the blog.  It must be a strain to read white type on a dark background, so I promise a new look for the next year.

Wishing everyone a happy new year's eve and Bonne Année, Bonne Santé 2013.