A good news statistic: the blog has reached nearly 2400 pageviews, including 60 in Russia.  Thanks to all who have been following along and often sending very thoughtful and encouraging messages, and Privestsvija to my Russian reader(s). 

The last week, however, hasn't been a great one, marked by what seems like increasing fatigue, continuing struggles with intestinal problems (despite higher dosages of Imodium), and a loss of appetite.  Yesterday, for example, we went to school to pick up a paper that Mohamed needed and then spent a pleasant 30 minutes in the English office.  I had already taken an hour nap.  Our plans were to stop at Lowe's and then have lunch somewhere.  But a few blocks after we left Washburn, my mind and body shut down.  The trip to Lowe's was scratched, but we still thought we could have lunch.  By a couple of blocks later, there was no way I could stay awake through a lunch, so we stopped for take-out.  Once home, I forced myself to eat, though chewing each bite was a conscious decision, and as soon as I had finished, I headed to bed for over two hours of sleep, clutching Philip Roth's "American Pastoral," a book I love and am re-reading for the second or third time, and fell asleep without even opening it.  Later we did a grocery store run, picking out some chicken salad and croissants for dinner.  But by six o'clock I needed another hour's sleep, and after that I could barely make it through half the croissant. 

I also got some tanning lotion, despite Mohamed's assurances that I look fine the way I am.  But since my summer uniform (shorts and a t-shirt) reveal skinny white arms and legs ("they will say how his arms and legs are growing thin"), I look at myself and think I look sick. I don't want to look like a spray-tanned dancer from "Dancing with the Stars" (or like John Boehner--a "color not found in nature," as Pres. Obama said), just, for vanity's sake, to be not quite so pale.

All of this is tiring (I'm tired of being tired) and a little scary.  One possibility, suggested by the oncologist, is to stop the chemo for three days.  I think I'd like to try this.  Mohamed is adamantly against doing so: my body isn't going to suddenly recover in three days, and who knows what the cancer will do when there's nothing chemical fighting it.  And I certainly share those concerns.  Since the beginning I've taken 3/4 of the standard dose of Votrient (the full dosage drove my blood pressure to unacceptable levels despite taking three blood pressure meds), and Dr. Van also suggested that maybe we should go to 1/2 of the dose.  That, too, sounds scary, but we've known all along that there will be a point at which my body can't support the chemo.  We go back to the cancer center in about 10 days, so until then, I'll just keep the current schedule and hope that my appetite comes back and I can find some new sources of energy. 

One day at a time (to fall back on yet another cliche)...